9/3/08-9/5/08

Wednesday 9/3/08 – I had planned to spend the night cleaning up the wallpaper and paint supplies from the nursery so I could get things back in order. But while I was eating dinner Jason went up there and cleaned it all up for me and moved all of the furniture back where it belongs. So instead of cleaning, I was able to put away baby clothes and get more of the light work done in organizing the room (thankfully, since I am still in so much pain). Lijah played up in the room with me and enjoyed pretending he was painting the walls like he saw daddy doing yesterday. But he did almost pull a shelf over on himself because he was trying to get a battery out from underneath it. Speaking of batteries, I guess today he became obsessed with a 9-volt battery and carried it around with him all day and slept with it during his nap. I also forgot to write about our latest craft – I think we made it on Tuesday….. It started out as a shape sorting craft. I glued a big colored square, circle, heart, and triangle on a piece of paper and then cut up smaller shapes. The goal was to have Lijah glue the shapes in the right larger shape. He actually did a great job and got all of the ones he glued on right – but he had different plans for the art project. I didn't have the energy to try to get him to do what I wanted him to, or not do what he wanted to, so I let him have free reign over the craft box. I figured if we just dumped it all out I would be able to organize it. So we ended up with the original project covered with glittery pom pom's, glitter glue, colored sand, pen, fingerprints from the ink pad, and a star made of yellow popsicle sticks (he didn't make the star, but found the already made start in the craft box and glued it on). We're pretty much out of glue now since I did not limit his squeezing of the glue bottle. He was pretty proud of his project, and I was pretty proud of him as well. I think we'll have to have more free reign art projects.

Thursday 9/4/08 – Tonight we went to Family Storytime at the NE Library. We got there a bit early and decided that we would just pay off our fines so we can start checking things out again. We found a few DVD's – one about bees and another one that tours a post office. I'm sure Lijah will love them both since he loves the mailman and bees. We also got a huge stack of books for reading at bedtime. We have so many books at home, but they have all been read so many times. I keep going to the thrift store to find new ones, but never really find ones I love, and then we end up with just more books in the book collection when I do buy them. So this is a perfect solution to our book problem. When Family Storytime started Lijah and I were the only ones who showed up – so Lijah got to be the center of the librarians' attention. At first he hopped up in his chair and folded his arms like he does in the nursery at church, but then he got all wiggly and was not really into the books she was reading (plus, she was reading too slow). He kept getting off of his chair and pushing it closer to the librarian and getting back on the chair – this went on until he was right up in her face. Then he decided to play with some puzzles. He was still listening to the books she was reading, he just didn't want to sit still – and I can't blame him. After Storytime was over Lijah had fun running around the library, he played with the globe, chilled on the big couches while I looked at some stuff, and then we went home. Then we did some more straightening up in the nursery, put all of Lijah's laundry away (which has been piled in a basket for a few weeks), watched the spider in the window, and ate some ice cream. Every night Lijah gets a gummy vitamin before bed. The last few nights he has wanted to just hold it in his hand instead of eating it and I have to threaten to eat it myself to get him to eat it. Tonight he did the same thing, but would put it in his mouth and just pretend to eat it. So he pretty much sucked on it like a hard candy, but kept dropping it and putting it back in his hand – it was pretty nasty. By the time he was done he was a sticky mess, and so was I.

Friday 9/5/08 – Lijah had an eye doctor appointment today at 10:30 which Jason brought him to. Everything looked fine and the doctor was not worried about his vision at all. I had looked up Marcus Gunn Jaw-winking Syndrome online today before his appointment to see if anything new was out there. When he was first diagnosed there wasn't really anyone else out there but I found a message board today with a ton of people posting that their kids have this too and that their doctors are saying that they are seeing it more as well. Our doctor said he had only heard of one other case of it in his whole career. I also had a doctors appointment today with Judy Levitan – she was the one who broke my water when I was delivering Lijah. The growth scan showed that Clark is already about 8 pounds (but there is a 2 pound margin of error) and my measurements are 3 weeks ahead of schedule – so Clark is going to be a big baby like Lijah was. She really could not counsel me on if I should still plan to have a VBAC or if I should have a c-section since I could go either way. She said that mothers are usually the best measurer of their baby's size since they have been there before. I feel like I am the same or maybe bigger than I was with Lijah at this point, so I think the growth scan is probably close to being correct. I feel like all the cards are stacked against me in trying to have a VBAC – the diabetes, the baby being big already, the baby probably having broad shoulders like Lijah, and my being so done with being pregnant this time around. The only thing holding me back from having a c-section is the feeling of failure for not experiencing birth as it was intended to be experienced. But my doctor did remind me that I did experience labor, a lot of it, I only did not experience the pushing part – which in the big picture is a very small part. In the big picture, labor is such a small part of motherhood and a lot of people get too focused on what they think their labor should be like and consider themselves a failure if it does not go that way. I know she is right, it's just hard to admit that when I've had it in my head that I would not have a c-section this time. In my gut I really think that in the end I would end up having another c-section and it is a much lower risk to go through with a planned c-section than it is to go through part of labor and then have an emergency c-section. So I decided to just nip this in the bud, take things into my own hands, and schedule a c-section. So long story short, I have scheduled a c-section for September 18th at 11:30am at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. While talking with the doctor I started bawling so she promptly got me some Kleenex. If I feel any sense of emotion these days I cannot hold it back and I end up bawling. So I cried again while making the appointment on the way out, and again while talking to Jason on the phone on the way back to work, again while typing this at my desk (although I am not bawling like before, but teary eyed), and again I teared up while listening to a voicemail from Jason's mom telling me that everything was going to be ok with the c-section. Now I think I need to go get a brownie or peanut butter rice crispie bar to console myself…..